2020 Vision

As the clock struck midnight to usher in the New Year, I was filled with optimism. Despite 2019 not being a great year, I convinced myself that this was going to be better. I was eagerly anticipating moving into my new home. I had got my running to a really, really good level. I was healthier than I had been in a long time. I’d spent alot of time managing gigs and becoming more involved in Softlad Promos, and despite losing one of my best and longest standing friends I was looking forwards not backwards.

Sure, I’d made a couple of mistakes in my personal life. Forgivable, if not forgiven. I regret the hurt I caused, but don’t think I deserved the hounding I got over one of them in particular. But that’s in the past and not the point of this blog. I even had a date lined up for the first week in January with someone who I had admired from afar and man was she beautiful. On top of this there was also the Smut Marathon to look forward to. It was going to be a busy year no doubt.

Fast forward 3 months and St Patricks day. The dating was going swimmingly. Despite it never being a relationship, it was fun, exciting, sexy. We connected and had the best of times for those fleeting months. I never knew St Patricks day would be the last I saw of her, but I don’t regret a thing, not even the gesture that in my opinion ruined it all, despite it just being read completely wrong. It’s just who I am.

After my twitter drama in January/February (with reprisals in April and June and September) I had to change my account for the Smut Marathon and little did I know how important this writing competition would be for me. The competition had to be shelved, which was a really sad state of affairs, as once again the ugly side of social media was laid bare. However, It did bring me closer to the organiser Marie Rebelle. We spoke often. We listened caringly, we shared tales both happy and sad. Marie always takes the time to read and comment on my blogs. To have that from someone who writes so wonderfully is incredible. The fact I get to call her a friend blows that out of the water though. Along with Marie I made some amazing writer friends along the way. Myself and Jae Lynn bonded over a love of music and most notably Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Go Your Own Way‘ and now rather than being a writer friend. Jae is simply a friend who writes.

Not only did I connect with Jae but I also stumbled across Carolyna Luna. We bonded over stickers (who knows, 2021 may be the year I get them) as well as writing and music and Star Wars and Bourbon to name a few. She inspired me to write when I didn’t have the words. She encouraged my confidence when I’d found my way with my new twitter but more than that, she became a huge part of my daily life.

As lockdown continued, I stumbled across the #VirtualPubCrawl when Shiner Sam posed a selfie one day with a beer and a band tee. All of a sudden I was engrossed by this wonderful community. Raising money for charity whilst drinking beers and listening to exquisite music. I mean… what is that about! Too good to be true right? But as the clock struck 3 every other weekend, the chords to Primal Screams ‘Loaded‘ signalled the start of the madness. There are far too many people to mention that have made this an amazing part of my year and everyone that has spoken to me or tweeted or done a down in one or donated to charity are all legends. However it would be remiss not to mention a handful. Al Burke was the first person to speak to me and become a friend. Then there are a ton I plan to meet in 2021. Andie, Ems, Danny, JD, Kirsty, Jake, Paula, Ady, Andy, Al, Dom, Rob, Matt, Sarah, Sarah, Russ, Redders, Dan, Amy, Michael, Lisa x 2, Johnny, Richie.The list really is endless and that’s before I even mention all the bands.. again special shout outs to Revivalry and Citylightz, you guys are the absolute bomb.

Now I make no apologies for mentioning these next few people who made my year much more bearable. People that transcended Twitter and I met in real life.

Lilycat – You gave me confidence and support in the unlikeliest of circumstances. You were the best part of the first quarter of 2020. Thanks for the Peanut Butter Latte and well just for being you. Keep swishing your pony.

New Indie Sounds. Mate. That night in Manchester was just the best. Never met someone that felt like an old pal within a few minutes. I promise I’ll get you that drink back when tier 4 lifts.

Indie Rob and Gems. Rob. You gave me so much this year buddy. You helped me through an awful time and I cannot thank you enough. Gems. Who knew we have probably been in each others presence so many times in Wigan and never even knew we existed. So much love for you two.

Scott and Kay. What an amazing couple you are. The kindest people I know.. how you treated 12 was the most warming thing I witnessed in 2020. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sam. Thanks for giving me some much needed confidence over summer. Amazing to think 12 months ago you never knew I existed. But I did with you. Yet here we are now and I can class you as a friend. Probably the craziest thing to happen to me in 2020. Keep being that new music champion but more importantly keep me posted on my fav, Beryl

Dating was a bit hit and miss in 2020 some incredible highs and some earth shattering lows. So let’s just leave that eh.

A special mention to my twitter bro and twitter sis. Syriz and Vimtotime. Again 2 absoluye shining stars. Both with amazing twitter accounts that I just connected with.

To Amy, who’s been there on twitter for me for over a year. Making me laugh daily and sharing her beautiful blogs and amazing pics.

To Splintercat who keeps me in check, never let’s me get too big for my boots and keeps me in tea and cakey. A smile is never far away.

Finally, my last memory of 2020 is dedicated to my mum. She’s had the toughest of years. 2 strokes, losing friends with alarming regularity (nooo not falling out with em, them sadly passing, no she didn’t do it) . One of the best things about seeing 2021 in will be the fact my mum gets to see it in as on more than one occasion I was frightened that she wouldn’t.

So as 2021 arrives. Here’s to health and happiness. To kindness and care and to getting back to doing the things we enjoy with those that we love.

Strong

Strong – Adjective – Able to withstand force, pressure or wear.

Excuse me for a while, While I’m wide-eyed and I’m so down caught in the middle

I’ve excused you for a while, While I’m wide-eyed and I’m so down caught in the middle

And a lion, a lion, Roars would you not listen?

If a child, a child, Cries would you not give them?

Yeah, I might seem so strong, Yeah, I might speak so long

I’ve never been so wrong

London Grammar – Strong

Like love and hate, there is an incredibly fine line between strength and vulnerability.
Two people who I have become close to, underneath the surface, have been dealing with so much, even disregarding this shitty covid year.
They have faced very different but nonetheless difficult times. However to a casual observer, you wouldn’t know a single thing was hurting their beautiful hearts.
I mean, I feel privileged to have become close enough to them that they allowed me to see them at their most vulnerable. It displays a huge amount of trust to be given this no holds barred, soul bearing view.
They’ll get through it, I know they will, even if they don’t. Hopefully I’ll be able to help them raise a few smiles along the way.
That being said, there’s a friend of a friend who’s having just the absolute worst time possible. Like hand on your heart, blow after blow, crushing time.
It’s not at the hands of a malicious ex though, or anything at all like that. They are facing the biggest battle, and man does my heart ache for them.
I mean, why does it happen to the beautiful souls, with so much to give? Why does it always home in on their greatest attributes to weaken them?
It’s in these moments though when they see who’s got their back. Who’s worth their time. There is a phrase,

Darkness can only be scattered by light and hatred can only be scattered by love.

Pope John Paul II

It’s true on both counts. When you’re down and you’ve reached the bottom. In your darkest moments, there will almost always be someone there for you.
A little beacon of light for you to gravitate towards. In this case, this person has at least one that shines brighter than a light saber. AT LEAST ONE, and to be honest, even if they only had this one person, I know that would be enough.
Nothing is ever too big or too much trouble. So when you’re reading this, know that you can focus on what’s ahead, as you know your back is covered.
You’re stronger than you think, but let others take up the slack when you want to be weak. No one will judge you for it. Be kind to yourself above anyone else.

When those times hit, have a listen to the playlist. I hope it helps you get through a moment, because ultimately, that’s all they are, just moments in time. And each one that passes is another big win. If you ever need anything then know you have someone else to call upon, unconditionally……..

You got this.

S’il vous plait

Final check of the mirror, make up done, dress straightened, a little cleavage, but not too much. Quick check in the bag, phone, purse, keys, lipstick, “parfait” she thought.

The taxi journey felt like an age, she had waited so long for this night and it was finally here. As the rain pounded down on the metal and glass surrounding her, the bright lights of the city reflected in the puddles outside, finally she was there. The doorman of the hotel opened the car door, the revolution of Uber meant no scrabbling round for spare change and worrying about whether the tip was right.

As she made her way through the lobby, her heels clicking on the tiled floor, she felt the butterflies in her tummy. It was as though everyone was watching her, like she was in a movie. She took her seat at the booth in the corner of the bar and ordered an espresso martini, she desperately needed the caffeine hit.

“Oh and may I have a glass of soda water too , s’il vous plait” the French subconsciously slipping out at the end.

————-

Watching the clock tick, the sound almost deafening as the day slid away. The reservation was for 8pm but it still felt like an eternity away. Walking into the bathroom and turning the shower on, the towel dropped to the cold hard floor and he tentatively stepped under the shower head, the hot beads bouncing ferociously off his taut body. Squirting some shampoo into his palm and massaging it into his scalp, turning the temperature dial up so the water was almost boiling, skin reddening as he rubbed the soap across his chest. His eyes closed and mind wandered back to that one fleeting moment they had actually met, her chocolate skin glistening under the lights, her piercing eyes staring right into his being. He resisted the urge to relieve some tension and quickly washed off the soap as time was ticking away.

Staring in the mirror and glancing into the bedroom to the red LED, 7:40pm. Twenty minutes to go.

Rushing back into the bedroom, picking up the neatly folded clothes and slipping on the black boxers and crisp dark denim jeans, sitting on the bed and pulling on his socks before grabbing the brown brogues from the box by his side. Back to the bathroom and a spray of deodorant and a few squirts of cologne across the neck and body and one for luck downstairs.. “hey you never know” he thought as he smirked in the mirror.

Back to the bedroom and taking the perfectly ironed, box fresh white cotton shirt from the hanger.

A quick puff of the cheeks, and the final touches of the Rolex his dad left him before checking that wallet and room key were present.

————

Staring intently at the entrance, biting her lip nervously, the excitement building, the maitre d appeared out of nowhere, “Madame, are you ok? Can I get you anything else?”

“Oh I’m good thank you sir”

A wry smile and the door opens.. is it..

IT IS!!

“Stay calm, STAY CALM” she tells herself repeatedly but she knows her face is beaming, his biceps, pressing out of his brilliant white shirt, his thighs stretching every inch of the skinny jeans, and those shoes, her mama always told her that you can tell a lot about a man from his shoes, and they were on point. Classical and quirky. He just oozed charm.

Their eyes met and she could feel the smile emanating from her soul.

——————-

The lift seemed to take an age. It was only 12 floors but might as well have been 112. I suppose that’s what a classic renovated elevator does for you, you know the ones with the iron doors that draw open before the external doors. As he walked through the lobby to the restaurant his mind began to wander. A quick polish of the shoes on the back of his jeans before entering the dining area. His eyes darted across the floor, was she even here? He’d left his phone upstairs, he wanted zero distractions tonight so hadn’t even checked and then all of a sudden he caught her in the corner of his eye.

It was those piercing eyes and movie star smile that he saw first, then slowly gazing downwards, her perfectly toned legs that went on for miles, she looked stunning, but then again he expected nothing less. Approaching the table, the maitre d followed hastily.

Monsieur, Madame, May I take you to your table now?

He could sense the confusion in those deep dark eyes.

—————

As he approached, the butterflies turned into eagles, her stomach was performing flips and each step he made her feel like there was no one else in the room. Her eyes saw the maitre D behind and just before he could sit down Victor asked could he take them to their table. She thought this was their table but thought better of interrupting. She grabbed her purse as they were led up a narrow hallway and into a small private lift, unlike all the others in the hotel, as the elevator climbed she just kept looking at the floor, she felt a hand suddenly grab her backside firmly, rubbing, and warm breath by her neck. It sent shivers to her core. She had longed for this touch, all the more exciting as Victor was merely inches away. She heard a feint whisper breathlessly in her ear. “ I hope you know what you’re in for Princess”, her legs almost gave way but she regained her composure as the lift opened and she was on the top floor, 360 degree view of the city below and beautifully lit palm trees lining the rooftop pool. “Dining al fresco tonight Madame” ushered Victor.

————-

Pausing for a moment to take in the view, he shook Victor’s hand and slipped him a fifty. “Monsieur once the food has been consumed, the penthouse suite is yours. Everything has been taken care of as requested.”

His eyes cast back over Victor’s shoulder as she was excitedly looking over the balcony at the city below. Her curves hugging every inch of the dress in all the right places. Snapping out of the gaze as the waiter brought the starter and drinks, pulling out her seat and delicately placing the napkin across her lap. Joining her at the table he could see her eyes sparkling under the blue lights. They tuck into the meal, a relaxed silence, with just glances, touches of the hand and smiles, the city bustling below.

The courses, flew past, the conversation picking up, but all very polite, work, news…… quite ‘vanilla ‘really but they were both aware of where this was headed.

——————-

The meal flowed, as with the wine, she couldn’t believe all of this was happening, these things never happened to a girl like her, but here she was, atop the place to be in the city, the waiter taking her seat and covering her lap with the napkin, her glass was never empty despite drinking constantly to stop her mouth from drying with the nerves. Every so often he would reach across and gently brush her hand, the hairs would stand on end and her stomach would go once again. ‘What the fuck was this feeling!’ His hands were masculine yet the touches were delicate, feather light.

As the desserts were brought out, she slowly lifted her foot out of her heel and gently slid it across the table. She felt his leg through the sheer material and slowly rubbed up and down his calf. His smile widened and his muscles tensed. As the plates were taken away, a bucket with a bottle of champagne was laid before them as the waiter smiled.

“Monsieur, Madame, please”

Their seats were moved and they were led up the spiral staircase to the suite.

“Any problems please just call…”

The door hadn’t even closed and she felt an arm around her waist, pulling her back to the doorway, her arse banging the door firmly shut..

“Mine” he growled down her ear as she froze to the spot, opening her neck up to his mouth, waiting to let herself go.

Quick as a flash her wrists were pinned above her head, their mouths connected and the kiss was as electric as she had hoped. His tongue caressed and teased her lips and plunged in her mouth she felt her legs buckle but his strength in holding her wrists kept her steady and then it happened.

She felt his free hand slide her skirt up over her thighs, and within a split second and a firm tug her panties were torn away and cast to the floor, her pussy cold from the air conditioning but warming in anticipation. His fingers teased over her clit and firmly rubbed up and down her lips. She was losing all control.

—————

As soon as the door closed he knew she was his. He had longed for this time, but also knew she deserved to be treated like a Princess. His mouth was teasing her neck, has hands were pushing her wrists high above her head, her dress bursting by her full breasts at the unnatural position. His free hand wandered and his lip curled as the soft material of her knickers gave way at the firm tug. His breathing hitched as he felt the warmth between her thighs, each touch releasing a little more. He could feel his jeans tighten and as she gasped and her legs gave way, he scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom. Tossing her to the bed her dress riding up revealing her perfectly waxed pussy. Unbuckling his belt and kicking away his shoes, he stripped down within seconds, his shirt pulled over his head.

Lying above her and staring into her eyes, he once again kissed that gorgeous neck, sucking and biting as she positioned herself closer to him, almost begging to feel him inside her. She felt his tip rubbing her clit and the pressure sent chills through her core.. desperate for more she wrapped her legs around him and dug her heels in his arse, easing his length inside her, her lips dragging his foreskin over his shaft, her gasps as she stretched around him rocking gently at first, grinding to fill every inch of her.

Picking up momentum she could feel herself already to explode ..

“Stop stop stop not yet”

—————

Looking down at her curvaceous figure, his eyes fixated on that gorgeous face, her reactions telling him all he needed to know as he teased her, making her want him even more. Then he felt her heels jar against his backside and suddenly he was deep inside her, that sensation as his length entered her, her walls adjusting to take him feeling better than ever.

Rocking against her body and reaching behind to bind her ankles together with his hand, her perfectly rounded arse exposed to him as she lifted up to get the perfect angle.

—————-

As she gasped with each thrust she couldn’t help but reach down and slowly tease her hardening nipples, tweaking and tugging them between her perfectly manicured fingertips (slut red of course) the sensations were simply electric as each thrust sent her closer and closer. Suddenly out of the corner of her eye she saw the full length mirrored wardrobes, unlocking her legs and wrapping her arms around his neck she pulled him down to her face ‘wait, wait, she tenderly whispered, I want to watch’ before averting her gaze to the side of the room.

——————

Wondering why she had released her hold and feeling her warm hands linked around his neck, she whispered, looked and instantly he knew what she wanted. Slowly easing out of her he reached around her body and spun her round by the waist, in no time she was on all fours and parted her legs. Slowly moving closer and guiding his now throbbing cock he pushed between her arse cheeks and guided himself inside her now soaked pussy. ‘Fuck’ he thought as the change of angle gripped him tighter than before and as he looked down at her backing into him he saw the change of angle on her head.

——————-

Within no time she was exactly where she wanted, she grabbed a couple of pillows to rest on as she tilted her head sideways. As she caught them in the mirror she could feel her clit tingling, reaching between her legs and placing extra pressure as he slid fully in and out, his body slapping her arse as her gorgeous breasts bounced with the rhythm. She felt ready to explode again but didn’t want the enjoyment to end and then she muttered ‘my hair’….

——————-

Watching in the mirror was far more of a turn on than any porn he had watched, especially with this gorgeous, curvy girl he had connected with as the star. As he built up the pace, the friction making his dick twitch and throb inside her, he heard her mumble something.. he processed it as at first he thought she’d said it hurts and was unsure whether to stop but her body gave away that this wasn’t the case. He slowly reached forward and slid his hand over her head, gripping her neck and then carefully wrapping her shoulder length hair around his fingers, then as she bucked away from him he tugged firmly and her head snapped back and she felt herself pulled back onto his dick.

————

She gasped loudly in shock and excitement. ‘Fuck yeah, harder she begged’. It was like a switch had been set off inside her, her hands now face down on the bed supporting her as her legs buckled, each thrust accompanied by a controlling tug of her hair bringing her back to position. The moans getting louder and louder and this reaction taking him to the brink. Suddenly the hand pushed her head forward and she was glad for the respite as she felt she could literally explode. She buried her head in the pillow as he grabbed her waist, fucking her harder, her juices now coating his cock, a loud moan left her mouth and her body went to jelly, her pussy now cold around his shaft signalling her climax. He reached round and pinched her clit as he took himself over the edge, unable to wait any longer as his dick exploded deep inside her. She grinned against him in circular motions making sure she squeezes out every last drop, her thighs getting coated in the mixture as they both slumped breathlessly to the bed in a heap, bodies beaded with sweat.

—————

Her mind and body were exhausted from the moment. As she tried to regain her breath she felt a cold sensation on her arse.. ‘What the fuck’ before realising he was just passing her a bottle of water from the side of the bed.

Screwing off the top and gulping it down, it was almost the best feeling in the world. Almost..

Ready for round two sir….

Nobody’s perfect

I hate that I let you down, and I feel so bad about it. I guess karma comes back around, cos now I’m the one that’s hurting.

Jessie J

This song randomly came on this week, and back in the day I listened to it alot. It’s been noted before that music touches your soul and creates memories. Sometimes the memories are good, often, not so good. It’s always the lyrics rather than the melody that cut deep when you’re feeling sad, and that makes sense. When you’re happy, you want to dance like no one’s watching. When you’re sad you simply want to curl up, be numb and let the world pass you by. When this song came on, I listened, I was mesmerised, in a glassy eyed daze and I just kept repeating it over and over and over. Every single word resonated deep inside me.

I’ve been thinking alot about Karma, social media is rife for people wishing Karma on those that have wronged them. One recent incident was someone who’d been hurt by their partner years ago. Their partner came home one day and said they’d connected with someone else and it was over. The ‘wronged’ person, years later had connected with someone that was already in the burgeoning steps of a relationship. Incredibly they were wishing that their new connection would choose them ahead of this person’s partner. Quite happily praying that this would be the universes way of paying it forward.

I mean that’s gross isn’t it? Wishing ill on someone you have never met, who you don’t even know, who has done precisely nothing to you. That’s not karma,  that’s just vile. Two wrongs definitely don’t make a right, and surely if the person you snatch is capable of doing that to be with you. They are capable of doing that to you?

Having read up on Karma, it’s more about getting back what you give. You send kindness to someone, anyone and at some point down the line, that kindness comes back to you. Not in a mirror form, not in the same way it was sent. It’s like yin and yang, it’s like the theory that every action has a reaction in a way. Everything you say,  everything you do, has a cause and effect. That being said, I was left disappointed recently. Something that I was looking forward to happening didn’t, I was hugely excited cos you know things like this don’t happen to me, (and I was right, they don’t). I’m sure this person never meant to cause any disappointment, I won’t say hurt because it really wasn’t. You can’t miss something you’ve never had. Ultimately, they owed me nothing, having never met. Things change and that’s when people can’t cope. Change scares alot of people, when something is planned or scheduled, alot of people don’t bank on needing a plan B, C or D. Thankfully, I can process things, one of my closest friends always is in awe of my ability to compartmentalise things. Once something is done, I accept it, box it up, and move on. There’s literally nothing to be gained over mourning or stressing about things you can’t change or influence.

Anyway, the more I replayed this event in my head, the more it reminded me of something I’d done to someone. The parallels were there for all to see, even the month it occurred was the same. As the lyrics from Jessie J chimed out

And I hate that I made you think that the trust we had is broken
So don’t tell me you can’t forgive me
‘Cause nobody’s perfect,

Jessie J

It is almost like this song was written for what I did. I connected with someone, didn’t believe it was going to go anywhere and just before we met I let her down. She did forgive me, and tried and tried to keep that connection, but ultimately it was just too hard. I guess that’s because it was a very real connection. That’s my only consolation from that mess. At the time, I was upset, but also kept convincing myself that we hadn’t met, we’d made no promises, we ultimately didn’t owe each other anything.

Fast forward to a similar event happening to me, and albeit it was a much smaller disappointment, and less had been invested in it, but ultimately it made me realise how badly I had treated someone. Everything for a reason and I guess this was my lesson.

Never underestimate the power of your words and actions on another person. You can lift them up and slam them down far more easily than you can ever imagine. Behind a screen it’s even worse because you know, you can’t see someones tears behind a screen.

It’s strange how the world operates, but just as I’d began to compute what I was dealing with, I saw an unusual message from someone I’ve known on and off for a while. Someone who lights up wherever she goes, someone who never ceases to make people smile. I reached out and checked in. The conversation flowed and I must have struck a chord because just like that, everything came out. It was like I’d undone the pressure cap and my word my heart ached. I completely forgot about my insignificant woes and listened intently to someone who was struggling so much. I had no idea, but why would I? Take a happy selfie, post a silly picture, tell a stupid joke (they are stupid mate) and everyone behind a screen smiles and laughs. Who’s making you laugh though?

Social media is a blessing and a curse, it can lift these lonely moments, on demand company from people who share the same interests. But, let your guard down and it can consume you, take over your life, so much so that you find yourself checking WhatsApp last seen, hoping upon hope that someone who doesn’t deserve you is okay. You become a social media version of yourself and when the screen lights up, it’s show time, put on your happy face and please your audience when inside you heart is shattering.

It’s okay not to be okay, Karma really doesn’t work as a mirror and I know my incident wasn’t karma, it was just a way of ending a connection that wasn’t necessary and leading me to a new one that absolutely was, for both of us.

Everything for a reason, no matter how hard it is and how many tears it causes. People that are meant to be there will be, and people that care will always step up, even when you don’t know you need them.

VPC and Me…

As I sit writing this, the final preparations are being made for the twelfth and final #VirtualPubCrawl. Over the course of the last 4 months, the airwaves of Radio Matlock have, on every other Saturday been filled with the best in Indie music courtesy of Redders.

If you stumbled upon this blog by any other means than twitter, you probably will wonder what on earth I am going on about, so here’s a brief summary.
#VirtualPubCrawl started out as the brainchild of Indie Rob as a way to cope with lockdown and spend a Saturday with your mates down the virtual pub. It quickly grew and once Redders was on board, the platform was set. Add in some awesome logo’s and merchandise from Russ (Brandsintheair) and everything was good to go. Saturday afternoon’s consisted of music, drinking (not essential but recommended to cope with the mayhem) and a whole army of twitter folk, commenting, sharing and liking posts.

I first stumbled across the crawl at the end of May courtesy of a selfie from the beautiful Shiner Sam. Sam posting selfies isn’t anything new, and to be honest with you, there are many MANY worse things to see on the internet aren’t there (even on a bad day with bed head she’s a solid 9.5)? However, this selfie was different. She was posing in a fancy tee and having a drink. I clicked on the hashtag and my screen filled with tweets from a whole host of people from different places. I had followed Sam on my old account and she just struck me as someone always smiling, obviously loved music (new and old) and just had something about her. So, I started following the crawl and whilst not joining in, I listened to the show. Sam later became a part of the team officially, and following the crawl will be hosting a regular show all about new music. Giving bands that wouldn’t get airtime much needed publicity. She really doesn’t see how valuable the tweets are for the artists she merely listens to, but she brings them to a wider audience and sends them on their way of reaching people they probably wouldn’t otherwise. It’s a wonderful thing she does without even realising and even better than that I get to message her most days and call her one of my very closest friends.

Back to the story, I saw that the next VPC was on the 6th June and made sure I wasn’t busy.. (jokes) Lockdown was in full swing and this community was not only making the most of the Saturdays, I also discovered that they were raising money for a little hospice in Hartlepool, (Rob’s home town). Alice House Hospice is a small hospice doing incredible things for those with loved ones affected by a life limiting illness. Ensuring people get the care and support they need at the most difficult of times. I think I am right in saying that Rob just wanted to raise £300 for them initially. As it stands right now, the VPC has just raised £8000. YES EIGHT THOUSAND POUNDS. I can’t imagine what that does for a small charity like this, but regardless, for a group of folk that just love music, it’s a pretty outstanding effort for just having a laugh every other Saturday. It’s what Rob intended the VPC to be about in the first place and has exceeded all expectations. What Rob didn’t realise, was by having this aim of raising a few quid for the hospice and having a laugh with some friends, something far greater was born.

Anyway, now you have the background, I’m gonna tell you about what the VPC means to me. It’s been an incredibly humbling experience. I get teased endlessly, but as often is remarked, I bring it on myself. It’s always in good spirits and full of affection. I remember being completely lost at first, not knowing anyone, like the new kid at school, and I will always be thankful to Al Burke for talking to me that first day and being my OG. She’s a brilliant young lady, a great writer and full of enthusiasm for new bands. I mean we won’t talk about the DM slide she received because of talking to me, but needless to say it set the tone for the hilarity of the VPC for me.

Throughout the VPC, my following has grown and grown and grown. I have spoken to so many people and now I even get followed by bands just because of my involvement. I really don’t think they know what they are letting themselves in for.

It’s the community that I don’t think Rob could have ever dreamed of being formed. I have already met 2 people purely because of the crawl and even without the VPC live event in Octber, I know that would have grown, because the crawl is about the people.

People supporting people, strangers bonding not only over music but just the strangest of things. Who can ever forget the Flamingo’s. Now, I am going to let you into a little secret. The flamingo pants were just an accident. I had ordered myself a VPC t shirt from Russ, and was excited at debuting it on the crawl. I tweeted that when I had finished work I was going to slip into something more comfortable. Meaning the tee. HOWEVER, the gaffer (ROB) picked up on this and tweeted about it. I panicked a bit as every fecker had worn the t shirts so it wasn’t nearly as exciting for anyone but me. I tried to blag Rob by saying I’d only show if I got something like 25 RT. (bear in mind Rob had thousands of followers but I’d never had even 5 retweets on a tweet so I though I was safe). OH NO. Rob made sure I wasn’t so I then had to think of something that would stand out. I’d done my washing (you know cos I am a house trained, clean conscientious bloke… form a queue ladies) and there were my flamingo boxers.So bingo, I have a decent arse (I know, I know) so i lay on my plush rug and took a couple of snaps and away we went. I didn’t think it would get any attention at all and would be forgotten about by the Sunday morning hangovers, yet here we are 2 months later, and it’s there in VPC folklore. The amount of love I got on my birthday, Chippy and Mrs.Chippy with Dave the flamingo. Jake and Kirst with their flamingo tribute on their new garden bar. I can never ever tell people how important that was for me.

Lockdown was shit, Like really shit, but thanks to everyone, it won’t be what I remember 2020 for. I’ll remember despite being alone for 12 gruelling weeks, unable to see my daughter or mum or sisters, I never once felt lonely. When I felt rejected in other parts of my life, I never felt anything but welcomed by the VPC crew. To think I have grown up in the same town as Gems and Matt but never crossed their path, but thanks to the VPC, I know I have friends for life in my home town. It’s hard to put into words how much everyone has been a shining star for me. Further afield there’s my Scottish pals Sarah, Robbie, Alan, and Kris. Sarah called me last week, and despite not being able to understand a word she said, (think Jimmy Crankee on acid) shes an absolute beaut. We have a shared love of Alan Partridge and again I know that we will be pals for life and see each other, whether in Wigan or Scotland.

Then there are the guys, like Gary, Danny, Richie, Mike, Rob and Ady. All legends in their own lunchtime. Gary took my VPC tweet up virginity and it was just the best. We sat and chatted like old friends, he was as nice in person as he seems on twitter (when he’s not being a tw4t) . Again another friend for life and a salt of the earth guy. Danny sent me a flamingo gift, just well, for nothing and it made my day. Richie always checks in and has a giggle, usually at my expense. Mike with his unending love of the Lathums and just the funniest dancing vids ever! Rob, I recently discovered lives near to me too, so that is another excuse for a pint. Then Ady, another one to get his own show soon, who always checks in, and gives you the most precious gift anyone can. their time.

Onto the ladies, Lelly who produced the amazing video for VPC and who along with SSC never lets up about my arse pic, when we speak, along with 3 beautiful women who will have the pleasure of my company in a few weeks. Andie who, despite me previoulsy often wondering if she actually likes me or tolerates me (tw4t), has shown herself to be one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out. Then Paula another beaut with an accent to die for but who has the kindest biggest heart. The first person to send me anything and she just makes my wee face hurt from smiling. Finally Emma completes the terrible trio. Someone who I only started talking to properly recently, after she restarted a thread that blew up not long ago and I dmd her to tell her off. Again, a surprising connection that came from nowhere that I just cherish so much with the weird and wacky convos we have.

I could go on all night with bands like Revivalry immersing themselves in the community and just being amazing, and I know there are others I will have missed out but you are probably all bored now.

I am going to finish by saying thank you. I love you all incredibly. You have changed so many lives, not just mine, and the world is a much better place for the VPC. Rob you should be immensely proud mate. You have genuinely created something special that will never be forgotten. You have probably unwittingly connected people that may have saved each other, if not literally, mentally. You have given people a platform to create bonds and friendships that have literally changed lives. I just cannot express how much this means to so many.

Just Thank You….

Music And Lyrics

No no, not the ‘noughties’ Hugh Grant Rom-com silly. I just mean literally Music & Lyrics. I have heard a phrase uttered in many different ways but basically relates to
“When you’re happy you hear the melody, but when you’re sad you hear the lyrics”
It’s true, as a rugby league fan, there are songs that are played at the end of both major finals. Having been fortunate enough to witness my side win many finals, whenever I hear the opening chords to Depeche Modes’ Just Can’t Get Enough or Hermes House Bands version of Country Roads I can’t help but be transported back to those stadiums, a sea of cherry and white, and smiling faces, of friends and strangers but particularly of my daughter. But it’s those distinctive sounds that bring a smile to my face.

Conversely, when I hear Mr.Brightside, despite the catchy guitar riff, it’s the lyrics that remind me of a love once lost.

It Started Out With A Kiss, How Did It End Up Like This

The Killers – Mr Brightside

Additionally, Fleetwood Mac’s Go Your Own Way

Loving You, Isn’t The Right Thing To Do

Fleetwood Mac – Go Your Own Way

My final example was actually quoted to me by someone about me, when I kinda messed up something before it even had a chance. Blackout by Freya Ridings.

If you’d have just let me in, who knows what could have been…

Freya Ridings – Blackout

Even songs with no meaning to me, make me feel in the moment, like no other artform can.
Another song by Freya Ridings always hits me hard.
Lost without you
“Standing at the platform, watching you go, it’s like no other pain, I’ve ever known.
To Love someone so much, to have no control, you said I wanna see the world and I said Go.”
Typing this whilst listening to the song, with a lump in my throat. you see love is the most powerful emotion. It can lift you up and slam you down, like nothing else on earth. Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts, that you spend nights alone, not sleeping because you are consumed by thoughts of that person? Sometimes they are good thoughts, excited because you get to see them tomorrow. Sadly, other times they are grief riddled thoughts, praying for that message to come through, worrying if they are safe, or if they are being faithful. Gut wrenching, pit of the stomach fear.

Even songs of Friendship can send a shiver down your spine. One of the most powerful songs I have ever heard is Tom Walkers’ – I Will Leave A Light On

If you look into the distance, there’s a house upon a hill,
Guiding like a lighthouse, it’s a place where you’ll be safe to feel our grace,
Cos we’ve all made mistakes, if you’ve lost your way.
I will leave a light on

Tom Walker

Although the song is about a friend losing their way with drugs, it’s poignant on so many levels. We are all human and we all make mistakes. Some bigger than others, but when you’re at rock bottom, the relief when someone takes time for you, that tells you it’ll be okay is indescribable. They might not know it, or believe it, but it’s critical for someone to have faith in you. Once you start believing in yourself again, then you can start to build and flourish.

2020 has been quite a year. My 2019 was pretty crap and as the clock struck on New Year I thought, ‘thank goodness this year is over, next year will be better’. In many respects it hasn’t been. Having a temporary career change, not being able to see my close family because of the Rona’s. A Twitter shitstorm ( which maybe I will write about one day ) It’s definitely been a year of Lyrics rather than Melodies.

However, despite all the downs, losing people that I believed were important and wanted to be a part of my life, there have been many highs too. People I never in a million years expected to stand by me did. I encountered a new crowd of people on twitter and they are all incredible. I’ve connected with people over writing and especially music. I’ve not had any negative experiences and I have found some people that I absolutely cherish. They’ve helped me find the melody in life. A simple message, a tag, a DM makes me smile so much. Being accepted into the #VirtualPubCrawl has been amazing. Every other Saturday my phone goes nuts as people from all over comment and share and follow. All in the name of good music, good laughs and even raising money.

I guess I will end by saying that in my darkest moments in 2020, when I have sat up at night, staring at my phone, wondering if it was me. When I have just sobbed for no reason at all, or over people that ultimately didn’t care. Those deep dark moments have only enhanced how happy I am when things are going right, to cherish them and enjoy them because they should never be taken for granted. Life really is too precious and too short. We only get one crack of it and every day spent being miserable is a day wasted. I am not dismissing those that have very real issues, and my heart goes out to them, but there’s always help, IF you are willing to help yourself. Keep smiling and try to hover towards the songs that give you melodies rather than lyrics when you’re feeling down.