Better Man

Oh you’d trade all the money in the world, to see this girl smile. All the while, she’ll make you feel so much better.

Better Man – Paolo Nutini

Have you ever had someone in your life, that whenever you speak about them, your face beams? So much so that people comment on it. That pure adrenaline rush and excitement whenever you hear their name. Let alone speak to them. That’s the dream isn’t it? Someone that puts you first, someone that adores you for who you are.

Following on from my ‘Precious Time‘ blog, I put a call out asking for inspiration and had a few replies. This one stood out though, because it wasn’t just a song title, it was a little request about the interpretation too.

I’m not sure I’m an expert on what makes a better person in a relationship considering I’m single right now, but Lisa, I’ll give it a go. However before I do I need to tell you about Lisa.

I’ve only known Lisa for a couple of months, but if I was to tell you the three things that stand out from my limited interactions with her, they’d be 1) Her love for her boys 2) her dancing and 3) the biggest smile I’ve ever known.

There is a fourth thing but I’ll let the video of naughty alexa speak for itself.

Lisa’s Periscope

I used to always believe that being a better person in a relationship was doing ‘anything’ for your partner. To some extent that’s true, but not if it’s to your detriment. Here’s an example of a past relationship, the first one after I had ‘Failed’ at marriage, I was so desperate to make it work. ‘D’ had gone out on a Bank Holiday Monday with her sisters. Nothing unusual there. I need to add that D had only just connected with one of the sisters who was the product of an affair. I’m not a big ‘at home’ drinker, even in lock down it was once a week at most. Back when I was with D, she would have a glass of wine each night, without fail, sometimes more. Anyway, this particular day she was out in the afternoon, for food and drinks. Now, when I am in a relationship and my other half goes out, I leave them be, of course if they message, I will reply but I never instigate the conversation as they are out. I assumed she’d be back maybe 10/11pm after a full afternoon session. The day wore on and I busied myself with chores before settling down for an evening of sport. As the night fell, the messages were less and less and then at 10pm, I got the dreaded 1 tick on whatsapp, battery must have died. 10pm became 11 and 11 became midnight with still no signs. I messaged her sister to see if she was okay, but the same. One tick. I sloped up to bed, still not overly concerned as they were in a group and despite ‘D’ sometimes not knowing when to stop, she was in good company. 2AM came and went with me tossing and turning and then my thoughts started to wander. What if she had been separated from her sisters, what if some chancer had assured her he would help her and took her off .. I started to feel a little anxious and definitely couldn’t sleep. I tried calling but straight to voicemail. It was just awful. At 4:30 I finally received a message, followed by a whispered phone call. I have NEVER felt so relieved. Clearly still drunk, ‘D’ explained she’d gone back to her sisters to ensure she was home okay, as she put her inside the front door, her sister threw up all over the floor her husband was laying. He came down raging so she stayed to help her clean up. Then must have fallen asleep, but didn’t know where her bag was and her phone was dead so she couldn’t call a taxi. Anyway, I told her I would go and pick her up, rather than have her wait for a taxi and waste money, at least that way I’d know she was safe sooner. I picked her up and as we got home, the birds were tweeting and dawn was breaking. My alarm went off, just one hour later and I went to work. I messaged her at 9am to check she’d got to work okay. No reply. Then again at 10, and to my surprise she told me she’d phoned in sick and was going back to sleep. Amazing, but whats even worse is I never once gave her a hard time for it, such was my desire to please.

So yes, lesson one right there, by all means make someone feel special, but it needs to be balanced. They need to feel lucky too. If you put them on a pedestal, they will believe it. I am not saying don’t go out your way for them. I’m guess I am saying be honest. Knowledge is power and only information can lead to informed decisions. Be honest. We are all guilty of sometimes delaying things or hiding them just to protect someones feelings but TRUST me on this one, it’s much better to be honest. People are scared of change or loss, but if someones going to go because of your honesty to them, chances are they were never going to stay in the first place.

What else makes a better man? Taking an interest, making an effort, from DAY 1. Ask questions? Even in friendships, when I am speaking to someone new, I take an interest, make it fun and different. The amount of times I have been told I am intriguing is insane. Don’t just ask what their fav tv show is or the first record they bought. Ask them things that will make them think and stimulate their mind. As you get older, looks take less precedence than before. People look for their minds and souls to be ignited as well as their eyes.

Be lighthearted. I know I am good fun, I’m easygoing and don’t take myself seriously, a quick look through my media history in twitter proves it. The amount of times I get told I am funny though, yet i still don’t believe it.

Be true, It’s okay to have different interests and whilst it’s nice to occasionally involve someone, it’s also okay to just enjoy what you do with those you do it with.

Pay attention – I guess this will be my longest element of this blog, and that’s exactly what I’m going to say. Pay attention. When she’s talking to you, either face to face or virtually before you meet “Listen”. If you don’t have a weird ass memory like me, make notes of her favourite songs, meals, when her birthday is It’s not that hard. Earlier in the year I was going on a date in an unfamiliar town. I had literally never been there in my entire life. I did a little bit of research, I listened when she said she loved meat but not any pork products like bacon or sausage or gammon etc and after a bit of digging plumped on the Brazilian Rodizio that was the top rated restaurant there on trip advisor. After we went our separate ways, ( we parted on good terms) she thanked me for that meal in particular and told me it was the happiest she can remember being. Nice Huh? All that from just listening and paying attention. Women may seem complex sometimes, but they really aren’t. They want to feel cared for, cherished, they want to feel desired and safe. They want a guy to have their back who they can rely on and not let them down.

Oh That Girl Makes Me Wanna be A Better Man, And Should She See Fit, Gonna Treat Her Like A real Man Can

Paolo Nutini – Better Man

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